I Stand In Awe

Sometimes I stand in awe of the fact that I am currently in Kenya. 10 years ago I was diagnosed with Agoraphobia... a severe anxiety disorder with panic attacks present. At the time I was in University and I was really struggling but silently. I would have 3-4 panic attacks a week sometimes multiple in one day. The anxiety was getting worse and my life felt like it was spiraling out of control. When I got the diagnosis the “experts” told me it was likely it would continue to get worse, I may end up spending my life at home too afraid to leave and I would need heavy medication and ongoing therapy to control my anxiety. I thought my life was over. I remember crying in my room saying to God “is this all that there is for my life? Is this who you want me to be?” But... 10 years later I can look back and confidently say that God wasn’t finished with me yet and he still isn’t. I gave my life, my fear, my anxiety, my future fully to the Lord and said “I trust you with this...” and he has helped me overcome. “Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Corinthians‬ ‭12:8-10) it is only through the surpassing greatness and grace of God that I am here today. I’m not saying my anxiety is completely gone and it’s not something I struggle with anymore... but he is using weak, anxious me and his grace is sufficient. We are capable of more than we could ever imagine when He is at work within us.

xoxo Tori

P.S. I’m definitely not saying anything against medication or therapy... they both have their place. We all need some help sometimes.

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