I have a concussion.
Those really were not the words I thought I would be sharing in my next newsletter … but unfortunately, they are. I am really thankful for my mom who is transcribing this letter as I have been strictly told by my doctor to avoid all screens. When I slipped on ice and hit my head on a cement post, I thought it would just take a day or two to feel better, but it has been two weeks of intense pounding headaches, extreme light sensitivity, nausea and dizziness.
Sitting in the pitch black trying to heal has been really difficult. To be really raw – it has been emotionally and spiritually draining. Admitting I need help and I can’t do things has been exhausting, embarrassing and humbling. In the busiest time of my life (preparing to leave for Africa, working two jobs to pay off my student loans, and fundraising while accomplishing my Biblical course requirements) it has felt like a sucker punch to my gut and heart. It has been so discouraging.
So, as I sit in the dark, I have been trying to pray. I keep repeating to myself that I want to be faithful in the dark. Every day that goes by, I feel like I am getting further and further behind. The words of We Are Messengers’ song, Maybe It’s Okay, are ringing in my ears.
“Maybe it’s okay,
if I am not okay,
cause the one who holds the world
is holding on to me.
Maybe it’s alright,
if I’m not alright,
cause the one who holds the stars
is holding my whole life.”
I do not know why I have a concussion, but I know that He has it all in His hands. He is holding me. I want to be okay, but if I can’t, there is nowhere else I would rather be.
I really wanted to reach out and ask you to pray for me, in my darkness I really need it.
Please pray for:
- That my concussion symptoms would lessen and there would not be any permanent damage;
- That I would be able to be faithful in the dark; and
- That the worry that I am experiencing will not overwhelm me.
My fundraising target is June 10th (one month before I leave). I am thankful to report I am currently at 37% of my monthly target, and 16% of my one-time outgoing target. I am so grateful for those that have already responded. However, there is a long way to go and unfortunately sitting in the dark does not seem to be helping. Would you join me in prayer that God will provide? If you haven't already done so, will you pray about joining my support team? If this is something that has been on your heart, will you reply to this newsletter and let me know?
Faithfully yours, in the dark,